their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
