omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
