I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
