When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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