WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
