I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
