Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
