I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
