thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
