between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
