I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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