Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
