don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
