Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
