That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
