I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
