I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
