Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
