You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
