Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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