A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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