Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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