my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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