I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize