i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
