Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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