i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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