It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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