forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
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At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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