...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
