He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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