if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
