you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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