Already got asked if we're dating
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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