he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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