He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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