all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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