Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Acid is not a monday night drug
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
