I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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