i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
