Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
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we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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