My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
