Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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