that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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