I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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