he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
