Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
