All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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