im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
