I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we're making bets on your personal life
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
