when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
