My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
