YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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