Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You left your phone here
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