You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
