btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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