Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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