something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
