so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize