You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
