I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
