my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
