What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize