That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
